Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
