we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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