I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
