So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
