I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
