all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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