Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
