Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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