I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
