Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
