I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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