So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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