Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
