we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
