This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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