he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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