I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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