The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
