OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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