your room smells of hookers.
And success
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
