sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
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