you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
