Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
