Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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