You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
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I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
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whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
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