So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Randomize
