I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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