You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
