How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
