i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize