I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
