I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
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