Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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