did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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