the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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