i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
