tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
