My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
