I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
