haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
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