You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
