I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I made him laugh his dick is mine
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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