I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
