Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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