Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
