hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
ok first of all what the fuck
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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