she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
