shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
