ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
