dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
