I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
