and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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