that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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