...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
