i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
