so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
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