my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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