I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
