I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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