ya dads aren't the best wingmen
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I am mentally ready for anal.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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