Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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