and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
