I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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