I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
