Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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