Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
