Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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