R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
literally had 100 drinks last night.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
