I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
