Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
