they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
