Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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