the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
