the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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