somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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