Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Two words: blizzard sex
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
