That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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