Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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