Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
