Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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