Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
