The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
